Life as a fanwoman

Okay, I am going to date myself here, ready.. I am going to be 45 in November.. Yep, 45.. And I still dress the same as I did when I was 20, maybe even more geeky, if I really think about it. And I was thinking about a while back when my friend Heather jokingly pointed out that I had my fandoms prominently displayed all over me. It was true, I was wearing a Supernatural shirt, a Doctor Who necklace and carrying an Alice in Wonderland purse at the time. That's how I like to dress. I realize by the time most people reach middle age (gasp!!) they have long since stopped dressing themselves from the Think Geek t-shirt section (unless you're my brother, Hi Tom!). But not me. And between you and me, I don't plan to change anytime soon. 
I embrace the title of Fangirl (though I prefer Fanwoman). I am a Fangirl! I am a fan of so many shows, books, movies, muliverses and more, that sometimes I can't even keep track of them all! But the best part of my fandoms, is I make friends. People talk to me because I am wearing my Sam and Dean shirt, or they comment on my Doctor Who necklace. Once I was in Sacramento with my newest Doctor Who purse (made by my friend Kristn) and a woman stopped me to ask if I liked Doctor Who! See, meeting people all the time, via the power of the fandom. 
Now I mentioned I have a lot of fandoms that I keep track of. Here is a short, but entirely incomplete list:

1. Doctor Who
2. Sherlock
3. Supernatural
4. Arrow
5. The Walking Dead
6. Game of Thrones
7. Marvel Universe
8. DC Universe
9. Harry Potter

I am sure there are a ton I am forgetting. 

My fandoms give me a something to look forward to, a new episode, a new movie or book. My fandoms connect me with people around the world who I might never have otherwise met. Once I was live tweeting a Duran Duran concert, and met Suzi Parker, a writer and awesome person, who chatted with me about Duran Duran all evening. 

So when I look at my overflowing T-shirt drawers (yep, there are two) and see there are only a few shirts that aren't black and/or fandom related, sometimes I think, wow, I really need to get a grown-up wardrobe. Then I remember, FUCK THAT, I dress for me, and if I want to wear a shirt with Deadpool eating a taco on it, I am gonna! 

I am a fanwoman, hear me roar!! 

And now some pics, because did you really think I was gonna post about my babies and not post pics? :P

Where else are you going to find purple hippos?

I was delighted to be asked to play Jungle Rummy before it's official Kickstarter campaign (October 1st) recently by fellow podcaster, Tales of the Jungle Crews creator, Kyle Crocker.  Now Jungle Rummy isn't your ordinary card game, created by the adventurous skippers on the rivers of the world after their last deck of cards was eaten by a crocodile. The artwork on the cards is stunning, designed to look like old trip tickets, with the suits Hippos, Pistols, Boats and Skulls. The back story of the game is amusing, and if you have the time, be sure to listen to the Tales of the Jungle Crews Radio Plays to learn more about the adventurous man of adventure, Skipper Gary London, ESQ.  Dani and I played this afternoon. The rules are easy to pick up, with helpful Rules Cards included to help keep game play on track. Once we figured out the rhythm of the game, it became a laugh filled all out battle to win!  The gameplay itself is fast and entertaining. Dani and I were laughing so hard at times it was hard to remember that we were both trying to win! (I won) 

Parenting as a Spoonie

You and me both, Lucy.. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I am sure the next most vocal voice in complaining against my illness would be my family, if they ever complained, which really they don't. But they should.. 

My kids miss out on so many things because their mom doesn't always have enough spoons to take them everywhere they want to go. In fact, some days their mom doesn't have enough spoons to even take care of herself. 

Which is why I am so thankful for my daughter. I might have mentioned this before, but I don't know how I would survive without her sometimes. She helps cook on days when I am not able to. She makes sure I don't dehydrate on days when I can't stand the lights in the kitchen long enough to get some tea. She keeps the ship running on those days when I just can't take the wheel. 

But they miss out on a lot. We've missed field trips because I woke up that morning in pain. We almost never go to park days, as the sun is enemy to me and my youngest. There are days I can't drive, so they miss classes and therapies. And there is nothing I can do about any of it. 

I am treating my migraines, I am on daily meds that have their own slew of side effects. We play with dosages and prescriptions to find that perfect balance that will allow me to live a more normal life. I have given up hope that it will ever be completely normal, but there has to be something closer than this out there for me. 

I had never considered myself a Spoonie..

To me Spoonies were always people who suffered far worse than I did. I just have migraines. Sure, in between those migraines I get episodes of auras, and yeah, it takes a day or so to recover from a migraine. Oh yeah, I get 3 or 4 a month, and when I am not actively having a migraine I often am impaired by the medication I take daily to ward off migraines. And, of course, when I have a migraine, I am incapacitated for a day or more. But I didn't believe that was enough for me to qualify as a Spoonie. They REALLY suffer.. 

Today I woke up with another migraine, and I was laying in the dark, listening to my kids playing out in the living room, I realized.. I am suffering, I do suffer, I am a Spoonie. 

Now for those of you who don't know what a Spoonie is, you are probably reading this with much confusing. So please, take a moment to visit Are You A Spoonie? I will give you a better idea of what I am talking about. TL:DR is that it is kinda an analagy to energy, healthy people have unlimited spoons (or energy) but chonically ill people have a certian number of spoons each day, and they have to carefully budget how they use those spoons, so as not to run out before the end of the day. It's a good analagy and I am making it sound silly, but really, go read it, it will only take a moment.. 

Did you read it? Good! Now back to me, because really, this post is about me ;) I have never identified as a Spoonie. I have always downplayed the role migraine plays in my life. Sure, if you are a friend of mine, you hear me bitch about them, I mean come on, they HURT! And they are inconvient. I try not to burden my friends too much from my complaning.. 

So why suddenly have I seen the spoon? Last night.. last night I went out with friends to a show. We had a thunderstorm, it was humid as hell, but we had a wonderful time watching the performers and just geneally being together. I did not drink heavily, I did not bang my head to heavy metal, and I did not tax myself in any way really. I also had a fairly peaceful day leading up to my outing, with the exception of kids being wound up from the storm. Yet, just going out with friends for a fun evening, was enough that I borrowed spoons from today (little did I know). 

Today, I have a migraine. You can't tell (or maybe you can) I am sitting in a dark room, writing this with unfocused eyes because my medicine makes my eyes all wonky. Thank goodness for touch typing in high school and a computer with spell checker. I am going to publish this as soon as I am done, but maybe when my head is clearer I will go back over it just ot make sure it makes sense. 

I don't want to stop going out with my friends, I don't want to become a hermit blogging from a dark room. But most days I mostly don't have enough spoons to do anything else. I want to be that mom who takes their kids to the park all the time.. But I don't haev enough spoons to deal with all my issues at the park (noise, light, smells, just to name a few) and Jack's (grass allergy, ezcema outbreaks, heat rash) together. I want to take my kids swimming, I want to take them everywhere they want to go, but I just can't. So if I say no to your invitation, most of the time it has little to do with you, and has everything to do with the conservation of spoons. 

It may seem odd to some that I don't suffer from migraine every day, but that I say I am a spoonie. But what they may not realize is, even on days when I am not in pain, I may be suffering from other migraine related symptoms, auras to those in the know. Plus, the daily medications I take to keep my migraines from being a daily thing, make me dizzy, sleepy, and make my vision blurry. So even on a day with zero pain, and zero aura, I am still not 100%. I can't remember the last time I was 100%. I don't even know what that feels like anymore. 

And maybe I am selfish for sometimes hoarding my spoons so that I can go out, with out my kids. So be it, I'll own it. But I have to be selfish. I don't get a lot of moments in my day without the kids. And while I love them, they are spoon stealers. 

So this is me, saying outloud, I am a Spoonie. I have chronic migraine, and it effects me every single day of my life. I work hard, and I miss out on things, I miss my friends, and I feel guilty that my kids don't get to do with the other kids do. And I just spent one spoon writing this post, and hopefully I have made at least one person understand what it means to be a Spoonie. 

Dani is joining the world of blogging

ASMR, Migraines and Me

For the last 20 or so years, I have suffered from debilitating migraines. Each migraine sufferer is different, and my particular migraines usually include vomiting, light sensitivity and brain fogginess. Now I am on a daily medication now to keep them under control, and it is working great, but still a few sneak through, usually because of my bad decision making (a concert, dehydration AND whiskey shots on the same day?). Now anyone who knows me, knows I HATE quiet. I always have a fan, the tv, music or an audiobook going, sometimes more than one. But the problem when I have a migraine is, I need darkness, so no TV. I also have difficulty following an audiobook when I am in mid-migraine. And music, sometimes I just can't listen to music.

Then I discovered ASMR. Now ASMR stands for Autonomous sensory meridian response, which is a long way of saying those tingles in the scalp or spine that some people get from certain auditory triggers, such as scratching or crinkling plastic. Not everyone gets these tingles, and not every trigger works for every person. You can check out a few of the more common triggers here, ASMR Triggers Even if you don't ever experience the tingling sensation, ASMR is very relaxing to listen to. They can help some people get to sleep and there are many ASMR artists on YouTube! Most of them are a combination of soft whispering, the repetition of certain words or sounds, tapping, scratching and the like.

So what does this have to do with migraines? I discovered today, when my head was not quite right from some medication management stuff my Doctor is having me do, that ASMR videos are PERFECT for when I need some sound, but nothing that requires deep thought or for me to follow a story line!

Now there many different ASMR artists and styles. And if you want to try this at home, you might want to play around a bit and find what works best for you, before you are in the grips of a blinding migraine. I have a playlist all set up and ready to go that I can start with the a few taps on my iPhone. In fact, I have an App that strips out the loud pre-roll commercials and makes it easy to built playlists and follow your favorite artists, I personally prefer male artists, but there are LOTS of female artists out there, I would venture to say maybe 75% of videos are from female artists. What I love about these, they do not require your attention. If you drift off, that's okay, you didn't miss anything. While still filling the silence with pleasing sounds.

I wanted to share a few of my personal favorites. You'll notice my list is all male, many with accents, and lots of geeky themes.

The first artist I found was Ephemeral Rift. He does some of the most interesting videos. Here are a few to give you an idea of his range of work:






Another great artist is WhisperMister. He has a very soothing accent, and he does some great geeky roleplay videos!






And one last one, before I leave you to explore on your own, Ricky7Whispers



What do you think? Have you tried ASMR? Let me know in the comments!