Why, you might be wondering, would I be threatening the nice people who are just handing out candy to kids? Because every year there are a few ignorant f*cks who require my son to say "Trick or Treat" before making with the fun sized Snickers.
My son has a speech delay, and while most of the time most people mostly understand most of what he says, he has a really hard time speaking to strangers, or in stressful situations. Such as when some idiot is holding a bowl of candy just out of his reach and saying, "what do you say??" Umm, I say make with the candy before I smack your stupid face.
There are few things that actually get me as angry as this insistence on saying "magic words." Heck, I don't even make a fuss when people give my kids Chick Tracts (see previous Halloween post) or campaign literature with their cheap dum-dums. I calmly strip the offending paper off the candy and hand it back to them with a smirk. (Unless its a Halloween chick tract, I'm saving those for an art project). But insist my child says "magic words" to get candy and I will go mama bear on you. And yes, I suppose I could explain to all those people or better yet, make him wear a button, right? WRONG!
There is an unwritten contract on Halloween, you have lights on, kids knock, you give them candy. Period..
As Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick" especially on Halloween..